Thoughts: Being Present Over Being Perfect

“Sabbath is the discipline of rest. It’s practicing our belief that we’re not the center of the universe. Sabbath is practicing the belief that the world will keep on spinning even without our very productive selves working our tails off seven days a week.” —Shauna Niequist As a photographer, there’s this pressure. I know it might seem ridiculous, and maybe I’m imagining it, but I feel this pressure to create the most awe-inspiring pictures, to have the most Facebook likes, to write the most witty blogs. The most, the best, the funniest.

I know this doesn’t just apply to photography. It’s life. There’s pressure to be perfect. To be the most successful, to make the most money, to work the hardest. And I get caught up in it when really, to be more human is to be present in life. Real life. Not some made-up perfect life that I’m constantly chasing. Because it doesn’t exist.

“Our world is bent on making us less and less human. Less and less connected. Less and less imperfect and fragile and raw and messy and beautiful. Our world values speed and perfection and performance and technology.” —Shauna Niequist

If you know me, you know I love Shauna Niequist, and especially her first book Cold Tangerines. I just really identify with her writing style, subject matter and honesty.

She recently did a message on “Present to Perfection” where she discussed this notion that we’re always running, always adding things to our to do list instead of slowing down and really being present in life.

This is me. I feel so blessed that I’m able to be a photographer, and there are so many good things about working for yourself. One thing I really struggle with though is setting office hours and sticking to my pre-determined time off. I’m always looking to the next thing, instead of what’s right in front of my face.

Yesterday, I had a client meeting (hi, Hailee and Stefan!). We sat, we talked, we drank coffee … and I found myself loosing track of time. I was present in the moment. I was there learning about them and not checking my planner, worried that I was missing out on time to get stuff done. When I left that meeting, I felt fulfilled. Like I was truly embracing my purpose of being a photographer.

This season, I’m going to embrace Shauna’s challenge. I hope you’ll join me.

“I’m going to choose less. And, in turn, be present for more.” —Shauna Niequist

Thoughts: Defining Success

It's August. As in the month that comes after July. Surprised? I, quite frankly, am surprised I made it to month eight of 2012. Month seven was a knock-down, drag-out, whirlwind of a month for me (just a slight exaggeration) and no matter how many times I checked the calendar, August seemed a long way off. I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. But now that I'm here, I feel kind of nostalgic. You probably want to slap me, right? Like this girl just can't decide what she wants! I'm slowing down, yes; something I've been praying for since busy season began. But to slow down, I'm giving some stuff up ... namely my full-time job. I don't really talk about the fact that I have (check: had, now it's part-time) a full-time job in addition to being a photographer because I guess I feel like a fake. Like the only way to be a successful photographer is to devote 110% of your time to it.

I have a hard time with that because I actually like my non-photography job. Here it is: I work in communications for a fraternity. A fraternity, yes. It's not what you think. I don't live in the "frat house" with all the guys; I don't attend keggers every weekend (should "attend" and "keggers" even go in the same sentence?). I work in a professional office with awesome people; I get to write and think about grammar (that's fun for me!) ... all the things I went to school for.

I get a real sense of purpose out of working. Sometimes it can get me into trouble because I work too much. And working for someone, some thing, some organization makes me feel like I'm involved, like I am doing what I'm supposed to be doing. Working for myself is awesome, but scary. So scary! I'm so passionate about photography. I love creating art. But it's so daunting to count on yourself for everything. It's all yours. To win or lose.

So, the point. Ah, yes, the point of this blog. It's August, and I have more time. Which is amazing. It's fabulous to wake up without feeling panic rise up in your chest that you have to start working righthisveryminuteoryouwon'tgeteverythingdone. I think the point though is that I'm realizing that I don't have to want what everyone else wants, or makes me feel like I want. I don't have to take 30 weddings in one season. I don't have to get published every week. And just because most photographers aim to work only for themselves one day, I'm not so sure that's for me. I get to define my success, whatever that means to me. And believe me, I'm figuring that out.

Thoughts: Breathing Deeply

He asked if I wanted to have a picnic at the beach. Honestly? My first thought was No, I can't. I'll never make up the lost time. But I knew he wouldn't accept that answer. Nathan's a lot better than me at taking a deep breath every once in awhile, and he knew I needed it. I was still talking myself into going as we drove to the beach through the warm summer night. We found a bench and ate crusty bread and sweet berries. The breeze blew our hair and we sat without saying a word.

This is how we balance each other. Me working too much, Nathan forcing me to breathe deeply and enjoy the moment … away from a screen. And we don't have to say anything to know what the other is thinking: that we're thankful to have balance. And each other.

Thoughts: Doing Better

That's an ambiguous thought isn't it? Doing better. No matter how much I work at being better in any sort of way, there's always an opportunity to kick it up a notch. Always. Which can be kind of daunting because how do you ever decide that you're doing enough? Maybe the point is to keep striving while realizing that you need to forgive yourself every now and then. That sounds easy! A couple months ago, I blogged on my schedule. Now, keep in mind that schedule is an ideal one. These days, what with working a full-time communications job, being in the really busy photography season and trying to keep up with my personal life, I laugh at the me that wrote that post. I seem like I have it all together. No big deal. Right now I feel like I can barely keep my head above water, and I'm about to live out of a suitcase for a week and half (more on that later!). Daunting to say the least.

So, with the amount of stress I've been feeling lately, it was kind of a relief to read this simple post by Nancy Ray. It said to me, no, you're not perfect but you can strive every day to live the life you want to live. Sometimes you'll fail, but most of the time, if you keep your priorities in check, you'll do really, really good. In that spirit ...

I will do better at:

Staying on a consistent sleep schedule Reading a little every day Getting outside Stepping away from the computer to have real conversations Making real food for dinner at least twice a week Having a date night with Nathan every week Cleaning and organizing my work space each day Eating natural foods Working out consistently Living in the moment Giving thanks Making our bed each morning Working smarter Staying connected to family and friends Writing letters Staying up to date on the admin side of the business Giving back Truly caring about others

I will give up:

Staying in front of the computer/working all day Being selfish Saying I'm too busy Being stressed Complaining Being fearful Checking Facebook 27 times a day Forgetting to eat meals Making excuses Letting my Inbox get out of control